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In addition to this fun summer outfit, I wanted to talk about something a bit more personal on this Monday…a topic that is near and dear to my heart: Creativity and the shame and guilt that can come with it.
Last week I was flipping through my podcasts as I was getting ready, looking for something interesting to play in the background. I turned on the next episode of Being Boss that I hadn’t listened to yet, and it was one from a few years ago where Kathleen and Emily interviewed Brené Brown. Now, don’t get me wrong, I live in Texas, not on the moon. 😃 Of course I know who Brené Brown is. I had been meaning to check out her books for years as I knew the subjects she discussed would be of interest to me. But life happened and I hadn’t had a chance to yet. Fast forward to a few mornings ago and there I was, applying my foundation and being completely moved by this woman’s words and her ability to capture the essence of something near and dear to my heart: creativity and the shame and guilt that can come along with it. [For those of you who are unfamiliar with Brené’s work, she is a researcher at the University of Houston (a fellow Texas gal 😉) and she studies and writes about courage, vulnerability, creativity, fear and more.]
I loved the Being Boss episode with Brené so much that I started searching for any and all podcasts that had Brené in them. Lo and behold, one of my favorite writers and podcasters, Liz Gilbert, had interviewed her as well. I immediately hit play and was again drawn in to her mastery on the subject of living a creative life in the presence of fear. Brené was not always a believer of being “creative.” From how she tells her story and through my own personal interpretation of it, she was a type-A perfectionist and researcher who took her academic profession seriously. She equated ‘creative’ with ‘self-indulgent’ and and waved off anyone in this category as frivolous and peddling an ideology that was a waste of her time. That was until she realized that for so many years she had stifled and pushed away her own creative desires and tried to compartmentalize who she was. She would be one person for one group of people, and someone else for another group. All in the name of fitting in to a perfect square box, avoiding vulnerability and being SAFE.
Does this hit close to home for you? Because if it does, I am completely with you. I really connect to her experience because I feel like I am her, or at least I was. I would consider myself a type A (for the most part) perfectionist and control freak who works in a super defined job and yet, I have been a creative all of my life. I was in theatre for most of my childhood, took dance, painted, etc. I crave a creative outlet (ahem, hence the blog 😃 ) and yet sometimes feel like I have to compartmentalize that part of myself when I’m at work and even around family and friends. Because I grew up in an immigrant family, “frivolous” careers of pursuing the arts were not acceptable and I definitely shelved that part of myself for a long time. Even today, I still sometimes feel shame about having a lifestyle blog because I worry that others will think is self-indulgent and ego-driven. Luckily, thanks to these incredible women leading the charge, I am feeling freer than I ever have to connect with a like-minded group of women like you.
Have you ever felt shame around your creativity? Let me know! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Or if this topic is too personal for you to discuss on the blog, shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Happy Monday, everyone! 🙂